Self-Regulation and Behavior
Mindfulness Starts Young.
Self-regulation is the process by which people initiate, adjust, interrupt, stop or otherwise changes thoughts/feelings/actions to effect or maintain a personal goal. Self-regulation often involves inhibition, task initiation, flexibility, planning, mental organization, evaluation, and behavioral monitoring, otherwise known as executive functions. Brain structures involved in self-regulation include: ventromedial prefrontal cortex (assesses value of a behavior), orbitofrontal cortex (inhibition), lateral prefrontal cortex (planning and initiating, motivation), anterior cingulate cortex (thought suppression, overcoming temptation, goal-directed behaviors), amygdala for emotional regulation, and nucleus accumbens (associated with reward and dopamine). Regulation for children is largely an involuntary process, which begins to become voluntary around 3 years of age.
When children are sick, stressed, hungry, anxious, out of routine, etc. their emotional system essentially becomes overloaded (emotionally aroused) and they have minimal access to their prefrontal cortex (decision-making and self-control system in the brain), and more some rely on the limbic system (emotional system in the brain). Additionally, high cognitive load affects self-regulation, reduced inhibitory control and emotional regulation In sum, a regulated child can access skills they already have, while an unregulated child tends to regress to old habits, basic emotional reactions, and lack of forethought. It is important to remember that behavior in any form (crying, withdrawal, aggression etc.) is in fact a form of communication.
New research has supported the impact of mindfulness, even from a very young age (e.g., preschool), having a significant impact on a person’s ability self-regulation, and thus, control their behavioral and emotional output. Additionally, mindfulness and self-awareness can promote intrinsic motivation, as opposed to extrinsic motivation, thus relying less on external rewards to engage in adaptive behavior. External rewards can undermine psychological well-being (less so in younger children but want to begin developing intrinsic motivation as young as possible), as rewarding for good behavior and punishing for bad behavior are contingent on extrinsic reinforcement and are not aligned with true motivation. When self-awareness and understanding is promoted over time, new habits can be formed, even in instances when emotional arousal is high.
The idea is, if you rely exclusively on “will power”, it can feel aversive and often is unsuccessful, and cause stress or strong emotions, as well as conflict between cognitive control and automatic/habitual tendencies. The best way is to drive motivation in a goal-congruent way to reduce internal conflict. Now, for children this can certainly be challenging, because they simply may not care about keeping their room clean, getting dressed to go out, or taking a bath; however, if they can slowly over time, understand the benefit to these actions, and show awareness to how they feel and why, and reach other goals in the process (e.g., playing with/organizing their toys, engaging in sensory seeking, socialization). It ultimately needs to be the child’s idea to comply or at least understand the goal behind why the behavior change is being encouraged- present moment awareness of the situation, understanding their own thoughts, urges, and behavioral patterns.
However, this may not work for some children and is certainly dependent upon developmental level of the particular child. It is also important for parents and the child to separate behaviors from feelings (yelling when angry, hitting when frustration). Additionally, giving child the choice in how they want to react when they feel certain feelings trying to encourage curiosity as to why they might behave a particular way in a certain situation, can increase the value of the reward and increase intrinsic motivation.
When we talk about rewarding, “bribing” or punishing, we are really talking about reinforcement. Reinforcement is a fancy word for rewards or consequences to improve motivation for a particular task. Motivation is often dependent upon autonomy, or ability to relay on yourself, competence, or ability to things successfully, and relatedness or connectedness to others. Now there are two main forms of motivation, extrinsic, where you receive an external reward or outcomes and intrinsic (likely money, food, or toys), where the motivation essentially comes from within (achieving personal goals, interest, happiness etc.). There is also significant research to show that for some children, “play” can be just as reinforcement and habit-building as candy or toys. Many children benefit from collaboration with peers, while others benefit from competition with peers. So the idea is that when you introduce play or “games” through social interaction, feedback, mastery, challenges, and goal achievement your motivation is increased and you are more likely to engage in a behavior you otherwise may not have. It’s important to note that some people are better motivation by external rewards (e.g., young children, some people with ADHD, people with perfectionism or those enjoying recognition), while others are better motivated by internal rewards (e.g., people with depression, autistic individuals, those with a tendency toward perfectionism). Since external rewards are limited and their novelty can wear off, a goal is to create intrinsic motivation, as this tends to result in better learning overall.
For children specifically, they often become satiated from a particular reward more quickly and easily than an adult would. As Alfie Kohn states in his book, Punished By Rewards, when rewards are presented as a “surprise” or unexpectedly, they provide the most motivation for a particular task, similar to how an addition behavior is maintained. Additionally, when children are learning a new task, they tend to perform best when the task is neither too challenging or too easy. And if the tasks are more stimulating, require creativity, and are functional then they can also increase internal motivation. While external rewards may work well in the short-term, especially if the child is given a choice in their reward or manner of task completion, or to develop a new skill, as a whole rewards tend to decrease effort and accuracy, even if that accomplish a task in the moment. For example, if a child is rewarded for cleaning their room or writing an essay, their room is likely to be more messy and haphazardly cleaned, and their essay is more likely to be sloppy and shorter, than if they were generally interested in the task. Also, we have to be careful because sometimes giving rewards can mask the reason for the avoidance of the task in the first place.
So all in all, why is self-regulation important? Well, we know from the research that poor self-regulation is associated with substance abuse and poor conduct in the future, while strong self-regulation is associated with relationships, vocational success, improved mental health. Moreover, autonomous self-regulation predicts increased quality of performance, creativity, and persistence, can be either extrinsically or intrinsically rewarded as long as the behavior aligns with the person’s goals. Over time, this may lead to more automatic associations and/or internal motivation for your child to engage in positive behaviors and refrain from unsafe or harmful behaviors. None of this is easy- I certainly don’t claim to have an easy solution (just ask my 3 year-old); however, being armed with this knowledge can allow you to have a more informed and optimistic response when things get stressful and you feel nothing will change. And remember, you are allowed to make mistakes, feel frustrated, and not have the answer as a parent or caregiver: That’s what professionals and your social support systems are for!